The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Things the Books Never Tell You…Projectile Poop

My wife and I knew about little boys peeing during a diaper change and the need to keep your mouth closed.  We knew about diaper rashes and babies moving around during a change.  The one thing no one ever told us about was explosive, projectile poop.  Apparently during the first few weeks of a baby’s life, they are unable to control their bowel movements so it gets really explosive.

One day I was changing #1’s diaper after a stinky.  While I am doing it, my wife looks at me and says, “She is not done yet.”  I replied back, “She is done.  Look at this.  She is d….”

As soon as I said that the rest happened in slow motion.  I turn to make the final wipe and then it was like one of those movies where you know something disturbing is gonna happen.  In slow motion I yell (imagine distorted voice), “Oh No!”  #1 shoots poop all over my shirt like a cannon ball.  I screamed really loud, really high.  I screamed again.  And again.  My wife is laughing.  I start screaming again.  It took me several minutes to take off my shirt because I was trying to figure out a way to not get it on my hair and stuff.  I got so frustrated I told my wife to get a pair of scissors and just cut the shirt off of me.

Although this is not true for everyone, it is not uncommon for parents to experience this.  Those of you who have infants.  Have you noticed sometimes when you go to change your kid, there is poop running up their backside?  Well chances are they did an explosion with the diaper on.  Consider yourself lucky.  One of my friends said that their daughter was once on a changing table and the poop shot three feet and splattered against the wall.  No joke!

The books never told us about this.  So what is a parent supposed to do?  During the first few weeks, always change your baby perpendicular to you so that the “thing” is pointed away from you.  I sat right in its path and experienced its wrath.  Also, you can cover your wall with something in case it happens to you.  My friends said after that experience, they taped up butcher paper on the wall where the “thing” was pointed.

Have a great weekend.  See you next week.

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Things the Books Never Tell You…Recovering from Delivery

My wife and I are born to South Korean immigrants.  One of the challenges of being Korean American is that many of our parents don’t tell us about cultural stuff until we have violated them.  When my wife brought our first child into the world we entered into a reality that we had no clue existed.  You see, Koreans have a very very strong view of how a woman is to recover after delivery.  Below are some of the rules that were thrown at us… Read the rest of this entry »

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Things the Books Never Tell You…Whatever it takes

Many years ago when I my wife and I were first time parents we began a journey called “trying to get your kid to sleep when they’re supposed to.”  #1 was tough.  She did not like sleeping.  She hated taking naps.  The problem was the absence of these two led to demon possession and we were frustrated.  We were so confused that we would wait for #1 to nap.  Most of the time we would be doing something and she would just fall asleep on the floor in the living room.  We didn’t pick her up and take her to her room because she would wake up and all misery would set it.  So we would take a blanket and just put it over her.  We would turn of the ringer on the phone.  We dare not flush the toilet.  We whispered.  We tipped toed around the apartment. Read the rest of this entry »

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Things the Books Never Tell You…Best Feeding

Everyone knows that breastfeeding is the best feeding for infants. Some of the books, classes, and doctors will tell you that it is going to be really hard for some but to keep at it. What they don’t tell you is how hard it is going to be emotionally on the mom. They don’t tell moms or dads that mommy is going to feel like a terrible mom because she is not producing enough milk. This is usually only with the first kid.
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