The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Father of the Groom

Yesterday I wrote about my emotions and thoughts on the future weddings of my girls.  It’s such a common theme isn’t it?  A father’s pain in losing a daughter is well documented.  What doesn’t get enough press and attention is the importance of a man finding a good woman.  We as fathers worry so much about the men who will marry our daughters but I feel like it is our sons we should worry about the most.  Let me explain.

We all know that women end up wearing the pants in the family.  They are smarter, in some ways stronger, and can be in many instances relationally more in tune.  Even if you have a macho man who marries a quiet passive woman, the tides always turn as the couple ages.  So what is my point.  I believe women can survive loser guys more than men can survive a bad wife.  I have seen countless women marry bad men and still maintain their faith, integrity, family relationships, etc.  When a man marries a bad wife, game over.  He loses everything.

It is interesting to me that this reality has never led our society or culture to consider how important it is for a man to find a really good woman.  Of course women need good men.  But losing a son never gets the press or attention that parents of daughters get.  I truly believe we need to focus on our sons just as much.  If our daughters marry losers we will still most likely see them and have a relationship with them.  If our son marries a Jezebel we will most likely lose him for good.

Is this sexist?  I don’t know.  That is not my intent.  My intention is to express the need for fathers to think about the weddings of their sons as much as the weddings of their daughters.  I have spoken to countless men who have walked their daughters down the aisle.  They always say that it is different than watching their sons get married.  Watching their daughters getting married stings a lot more for them.  Maybe us fathers need to reconsider.

My brother and I are very blessed.  We are married to two incredible women.  My parents and extended family see and appreciate the fact that they have a good relationship with two daughter-in-laws.  Our wives are really good to our family.  My dad never had a daughter so he didn’t focus on losing his little girl.  All he had were boys.  But my dad talked to us about the importance of marriage and finding a good wife since we were 13 years old.  I think my dad observed what I have observed and decided to instill the importance of finding a good wife.  Every Saturday morning we would have family devotions.  Without fail he would talk about two things…(i) how important it is to find a good wife and (ii) how important it is to understand that every penny we have as a family is a gift from God.

So I would like to raise a challenge to fathers who have sons.  Let us think and prepare for our sons weddings as we do our daughters.  We men are weak.  We men are fragile.  We are prone to wander.  All the more we need good wives.


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2 Responses

  1. funblonde07 says:

    so true, p.alex. it’s critical for women to acknowledge and embrace their calling as helpers… people who support, nuture, and encourage. you are blessed to have 4 lovely wonderful girls who will oneday be women! 🙂

  2. EricaB. says:

    I, for one, as a single Christian woman, am offended and hurt by your assertations. While I see way too many cases of “women wearing the pants,” the focus needs to be (1) on teaching women biblical submission and (2) on teaching men to be strong leaders, shaping and loving their wives. I read your assertation that it really doesn’t matter if I marry a loser, because “I’ll be okay.” We need to tell our daughters that they are valued and deserve so much better. This is why so many Christian women marry non-Christians – their parents tell them that it’s okay, you can convert him, it’s just important that you find a husband before it’s too late (particularly in the Asian community). So many of my friends that date and marry non-Christian men do so because their mom’s are carrying the spiritual weight in the family. We need to end this cycle, for the spiritual health of the family.

    On the second note – yes, men do need to be taught what to value in women. Too many guys have this ideal of the “perfect woman” and it’s purely physical (you bring up Jezebel), and the character is not important. If their fathers were more vocal about what they value in their wives and mothers, maybe we could break this whole cycle – maybe the women of character will marry the “good men” and then the Jezebels can marry the losers.

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