The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

I Hate Rats

Last year during the winter we developed a pretty big rat problem.  We had a few rats who decided to move into our California basement.  One of them made it up to our first floor and made a little studio apartment behind our upright piano.  He stole some socks and underwear from the laundry room and made a bed out of them.  We didn’t know he was around because he pooped under and behind things.  It was awesome.

When I found him I tried to scare him into a glue trap however he kicked it aside and made a b-line for the a/c vent in my office where he was living.  The house we live in is very old so the a/c and heater come through vents located on the floor.  He gets into the vent and slides back down into the basement in a well choreographed escape plan.

The pest control couldn’t make it for a few days so we were stuck knowing that we were cohabitating with a few rats.  The pest guy said we should put all food away and wipe down counters and floors everyday.  Why you ask?  Well we found out that rats pee while walking around your house.  We couldn’t block off all the possible entry points because there were too many.  So every morning for four days my wife, unbeknownst to me, woke up 5am everyday and wiped down every counter top, table top, and floors on the first floor with anti-bacterial stuff.

Well, the pest guys came.  Killed most of the rats and blocked out the rest.

Couple of days ago, I was walking into the house and thought I saw a rat in our basement through an outdoor vent.  It really scared me not only because of what we went through before, but because I really hate rats.  So I told my 7 year old son to take a flash light and go check out the basement.  My wife was half smiling (because she thought I was surely kidding) and half puzzled (because she knows me really well and was processing the reality that I wasn’t).

So my son goes down.  Wait…before you judge me…I was standing at the top of the basement encouraging him and reassuring him that I was there for him…at the top by the door.  He cautiously walks down with the flash light and looks around.  I ask him if there are any rats and he is slowly realizing what he agreed to do.  As soon as I asked, “So are there any rats?”  He got scared and started walking back up to the top.  I sternly told him to man up and look around some more.  His sisters are all next to me worried for their brother.  I assured them he was fine.  #4 looked down and asked, “Are you ok #3?  Aren’t you scared that a rat might come out?”

That’s when it hit him.  He runs back up and hands me the flash light and says, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”  I am really annoyed at this point because I am pretty sure he didn’t look around thoroughly.  So I grab the flash light and take a few steps down into the basement.  I bend over to look around but as I do my hair gets caught up it a huge spider web.  I squeal like a little squeaky toy and run up to the top.  I locked the basement door and told everyone to get back to school work.

I am gonna call the pest control tomorrow.  Actually I told my wife to call.  I specifically asked her to tell the pest dude that she is a single mom that needs a man to look for her since she is too scared and all alone.


Filed under: Uncategorized

3 Responses

  1. Shainu (Ajay's wife:) says:

    You are hysterical. We’re sleep deprived, trying to parent 3 1/2 week old #2 AND we found out that we too are cohabiting with mice all at the same time. So reading “whatever it takes Part 2” and this entry had Ajay and me die laughing (very quietly of course). #2 and #1 are both sleeping now.
    Hope you have figured out by # 5 that man boobs will NOT do the trick…we resonate well with complementarianism!

  2. Joaozito says:

    Dude, you’re not the only one…Well, sometimes we have some rats here, we destroy all of them with traps, but sometimes i see the little bastards…I HATE rats, i’m afraid of them and i want them to burn in hell

  3. k9999 says:

    What a coward.

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