The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Things the Books Never Tell You…Projectile Poop

My wife and I knew about little boys peeing during a diaper change and the need to keep your mouth closed.  We knew about diaper rashes and babies moving around during a change.  The one thing no one ever told us about was explosive, projectile poop.  Apparently during the first few weeks of a baby’s life, they are unable to control their bowel movements so it gets really explosive.

One day I was changing #1’s diaper after a stinky.  While I am doing it, my wife looks at me and says, “She is not done yet.”  I replied back, “She is done.  Look at this.  She is d….”

As soon as I said that the rest happened in slow motion.  I turn to make the final wipe and then it was like one of those movies where you know something disturbing is gonna happen.  In slow motion I yell (imagine distorted voice), “Oh No!”  #1 shoots poop all over my shirt like a cannon ball.  I screamed really loud, really high.  I screamed again.  And again.  My wife is laughing.  I start screaming again.  It took me several minutes to take off my shirt because I was trying to figure out a way to not get it on my hair and stuff.  I got so frustrated I told my wife to get a pair of scissors and just cut the shirt off of me.

Although this is not true for everyone, it is not uncommon for parents to experience this.  Those of you who have infants.  Have you noticed sometimes when you go to change your kid, there is poop running up their backside?  Well chances are they did an explosion with the diaper on.  Consider yourself lucky.  One of my friends said that their daughter was once on a changing table and the poop shot three feet and splattered against the wall.  No joke!

The books never told us about this.  So what is a parent supposed to do?  During the first few weeks, always change your baby perpendicular to you so that the “thing” is pointed away from you.  I sat right in its path and experienced its wrath.  Also, you can cover your wall with something in case it happens to you.  My friends said after that experience, they taped up butcher paper on the wall where the “thing” was pointed.

Have a great weekend.  See you next week.


Filed under: Things the Books Never Tell You

One Response

  1. yoonie says:

    high pitched squealing is the best 🙂

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