The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Things the Books Never Tell You…Best Feeding

Everyone knows that breastfeeding is the best feeding for infants. Some of the books, classes, and doctors will tell you that it is going to be really hard for some but to keep at it. What they don’t tell you is how hard it is going to be emotionally on the mom. They don’t tell moms or dads that mommy is going to feel like a terrible mom because she is not producing enough milk. This is usually only with the first kid.

So you bring home your new born baby. Everything seems good. You start feeding and the baby keeps crying. No matter how much you feed that baby, he or she keeps screaming. This is when the emotions kick into full gear. The mom feels like she is terrible because she cannot provide enough for her child so they have to resort to some science experiment milk. Dads feel bad because we have no clue what to do or say…Hey honey…you can do it! You are a great mom with great milk.

When #1 was born I was working at a Korean church. Korean people are pretty funny when it comes to making, having, and raising babies. Tomorrows blog will explain how Korean’s have a unique perspective on a mother’s recovery after giving birth. Anyways…so I go to church the Sunday after my first child was born. I am in my suit and people congratulate me. Then out of nowhere four older Korean women run up to me and say, “Pastor, congratulations! Your wife is breast feeding, yes?”

Me: Yes she is breast feeding. Funny you ask because….

Them: Breast feeding is really really hard.

Me: I know we…

Them: Do you love your wife?

Me: Huh? Yes I love…

Them: Then you have to do this. The milk in a women’s breast doesn’t come out right away because it is rock hard. Her milk is too hard so it has to be softened.

Me: But the doctor’s…

Them: What you have to do is this. Get a towel and run it through hot water and make sure it is really warm. Get behind your wife with the warm towel and squeeze and massage her breasts really hard.

Me: But that sounds…

Them: DO YOU LOVE HER? You must do this. She will be crying and in a lot of pain, but you must do this.

SIDE NOTE: While one of them is telling me this, another one comes behind me and starts to demonstrate. She literally gets behind me grabs my man boobs and starts squeezing them really hard in a circular motion. Keep in mind that I am standing in the lobby of the largest Korean church in the US while an older Korean lady is acting like Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost. Very disturbing.

Me (trying to be polite): Ok…thank you for that advice. We will see what happens.

Them: Wait there is more.

One of them leans into me and whispers the most disturbing advice I had ever received in all my years of parenting. She says softly, “If that doesn’t work…you will have to make it come out yourself.”

I interrupt, “Excuse me? What are you talking about?”

She continues, “You have to use your own mouth and make it come out.”


The books never prepared us for all that we would experience trying to feed our newborn child. Read these words my friends and take heed (if you are Korean). If you are not Korean…just smile and thank God for immigration and its benefits.


Filed under: Things the Books Never Tell You

One Response

  1. Esther Chang says:

    OMG i totally had to cover my mouth when i read about the patrick swayze moment!! HAHAHA

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