WARNING: I try to be as mature as I can be when communicating via this blog. Occasionally I get a little low-brow in my perspective. This entry is a perfect example. Bad stuff in movies has a warning for people under a certain age. This blog has a +18 rating. This material may not be suitable for people ABOVE the age of 18.
Last week I flew out to Hartford, CT for a conference. On my way back I flew non-stop to LA. The guy next to me farted 5 times during the flight. The first couple of times I was ok. It can happen. After that though I felt he grievously crossed the line of consideration for others.
I believe farting on airplanes is one of the great injustices toward mankind. Let me explain…
First of all there is no air circulation in a plane so the smell got trapped right in front of my face and stayed there for minutes. Second, being in an airplane when someone farts is such a vulnerable position for the victims. You cannot accuse him. You cannot ask him to stop. The injustice grows another layer in that if I physically show my discomfort (ie: cover my nose, make a nasty face, ask “what is that smell”) I am the jerk! How do you figure that? But that is the way of the airplane farter.
Even as I am typing this ridiculous and immature entry I am outraged. Come to think of it there is another level of oppression. When someone farts, the innocent people become filled with paranoia that others think it is them. So not only do we suffer the nastiness of his inconsideration, we become victims of suspicion. Every time that guy let one go, the stewardesses gave me that look like it was me. Every time I wanted to stand up in the airplane and yell, “IT WASN’T ME!!! IT WAS HIM!”
What is the solution? First, go to the bathroom. When you do, stay there for an extra couple of minutes so you don’t bring it out with you. Second, if you should happen to do it on accident, raise your hand and say to everyone, “My bad.” This way the rest of us don’t have to live under the oppression of your junk.