The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Top That

I love telling stories.  I prefer verbal transmission but am learning to enjoy the art of telling stories online as well.  One positive result is that people can count on me to tell a story anytime, anyplace, anywhere, to anyone.  One bad result…I am always trying to top other people’s stories.  It is an annoying habit that I have worked on but it is still there lurking for opportunity.

One day I was hanging out with a group of pastors, who were being mentored together in Arizona.  We were eating dinner with some of the leaders at a local church.  Our mentor asked us to each stand up and introduce ourselves to the group.  I go first.  I stand up tell my name and proceed to tell a gross story about one of my kids.  Well, each pastor after me tells a story of their own and we begin a battle of the stories.   We all know that doing this is so wrong but we couldn’t help ourselves and got caught up in the moment.

The last pastor told a story that no one could top.  It was too gross/good.  One day he took his daughter to the park.  She was like 4 years old.  They play and hang out.  When it was time to go she told her dad that she had to go to the bathroom.  The only ones they had at the park were porta-potties.  So she goes in and he waits outside.  When she was done they got into the car and went home.  On the way he smells something really foul.

He asks, “Did you fart?”

She said, “No.”

He asks, “Did you step on poo-poo?”

She said, “No.”

He thinks to himself, “Did I leave something in the car that rotted?  Is that smell coming from outside?”

He asks, “What is that smell?”

She said, “It’s not me daddy.  I was a good girl and after I went potty, I washed my hands and face.”

He says, “What?  Huh?”

I am not sure if you have been in porta-potties that have little urinals on the side.  AHHHHHHH!  She washed her hands and face with the remnant urine thinking that the urinal was a sink!!!!

TOP THAT!  No one could.

I know it is wrong to tell embarrassing stories of your kids since it is at their expense.  I try my best even with this blog to be respectful of their lives.  But once in awhile you come across a story that makes you glad you played the game.  This one was that kind of story for me.  I get goosebumps every time I think about it.


Filed under: Funny Stuff

5 Responses

  1. Julie Kang says:

    WOW, that is winner winner chicken dinner right there. WHEW.

    • thepunypundit says:

      seriously right? i mean usually i can top even the craziest of stories with a little hyperbole and exaggeration but this one…too good/nasty.

  2. eric park says:

    hey pastor alex… i think your 24 hour fitness story can rival this story.

    • thepunypundit says:

      i dunno man. rubbing poop is pretty gross but at least it was her poop. to wash you face in the old, stale, nasty, smelly urine of multiple dudes is pretty tough to top. also remember my kid rubbed poop on her head. this other kid washed her face…AHHHHHH…it still grosses me out every time i talk about it. and she still had it on her hands. AHHHHHHH!!!!

  3. […] dinners we start a typical parents “here’s a funny story about my kids” dialogue (click here for another example).  So I start. I talk about how #2 had a boyfriend by the time she was 4 (click here to read). […]

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