The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Lyrically Challenged

I am horrible at discerning song lyrics and understanding songs.  Over the years I have embarrassed myself on many occasions getting songs wrong.  Thank God for karaoke because it was like googling song lyrics for me back in the day.  Below is a list of my lyrical faux pas…

1. During my freshman year in high school the song U CAN’T TOUCH THIS came out.  Whenever MC Hammer said, “Hammer time,” I thought he was saying, “Half Time!”  So one day during Mr. Beattie’s 9th grade science class he was late and I started singing this song out loud, “My, my music hits me so hard.  Makes me say oh my lawd….STOP HALF TIME.”  My friends thought I was trying to be funny by changing the lyrics and shortly discovered that I was totally serious.  “Half Time” made sense to me because he first says it close to the mid point of the song.  Anyways.

2. In junior high the album “Appetite for Destruction” by Guns N Roses came out.  Awesome, awesome, awesome.  Well, I started listening to it in high school.  One of my favorite songs was Paradise City.  For some reason I thought when Axel Rose said “take me down to the paradise city” he was saying “take me down to the very last city.”  Ok.  Innocent mistake right?  One day I said to my friends, “Why do song writers come up with titles that aren’t even in the song?”  They asked what I was talking about.  I mentioned Paradise City.  They laughed and mocked.  I laughed and cried because high school was very hard for me.  HAHAHA!  Not sure why I messed that one up.  Maybe it was Sunday school where I learned in the book of Revelation there would be a last city when Jesus comes back.  Think about it…”take me down to the very last city where the grass is green and the girls…”  Oh.  I see.  It still doesn’t make sense even with the Sunday school explanation.  Cover = skull.  Take me down = very bad in Christianity.

3. More recently I downloaded AFTERNOON DELIGHT from iTunes.  I had no idea what the song was about.  I just loved hearing Will Ferrell sing it in Anchorman.  So I download it not knowing what the song was talking about and played it in the car for my kids.  We sang it together as a family.  My kids would sing it at home.  Then one day I listened to it in my home office and out of nowhere I realized what the song was talking about.  I called a friend to confirm.  He confirmed.  And I was so embarrassed and disoriented at what I was teaching my kids.  FYI…I scored 780 on the SAT Math section.  I got 480 on verbal and I never immigrated.  Was born here in the US.  Reading comprehension was a very weak link.  Probably affects my listening comprehension.

4. I love Beyonce.  I told my wife that I have always been faithful to her.  Not even close to infidelity.  But I did confess a love (I mean lust) for two women: Beyonce and Salma Hayek.  Anyways, I download Lose My Breath and Soldier in the album where Destiny’s Child came back together.  Well, I listened.  I danced….I can’t dance, however I am top 3 in America waist up so in the car I can get down.  If there was a dance competition while sitting in a car, I would be top 3 for sure. Anyways, same problem as Afternoon Delight.  Had no idea what Lose My Breath was about until one day I was watching a movie with my wife where a love scene came out.  Ohhhhh…lose my breath.  Same thing….we sang that in a car as a family.  That song was on my workout list so I just associated it with running because I was always out of breath.  Seriously, I am not kidding.  I am a terrible father.

5. Chasing Pavements by Adele…I really loved this song but had no idea what the heck she was talking about.  The video didn’t help.  So I went to and found out what it meant.  Can you believe that?  Urban Dictionary?  It makes me laugh every time I think about that.

FYI…Below is my songlist for my workouts:

  1. If (Janet Jackson)…that album stumbled me as a Christian man
  2. Eye of the Tiger…yes its true
  3. Lose My Breath…still love Beyonce
  4. Lose Yourself…Eminem…white guy who is embraced by black people…always cool
  5. Mama Said Knock You Out (L.L. Cool J)
  6. Fighter (Christina Aguilera)…this song really pumps me up
  7. Nuthin But A “G” Thang (Dr. Dre)…greatest rap song of all time from an art perspective not content
  8. Who Am I (Snoop Dogg)…nostalgia from freshmen year in high school…shout out to my friend Abhijit who bought that album when it released at midnight.
  9. That’s The Way Love Goes (Janet Jackson)…winding down and stretching now
  10. Chasing Pavements
  11. Hallelujah Jesus (Evan Wickham)…gotta end with worship even though I just spent a bunch of time listening to songs with cussing and talk about sex.

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3 Responses

  1. Patrick says:

    There was a subplot on Arrested Development that involved “Afternoon Delight.” Good stuff. Another good workout song: Nas’s “Warrior Song.”

  2. Laura says:

    don’t feel bad alex, i am lyrically challenged at times too since i pay much more attention to melodies and instrumentation. sometimes it stinks b/c i’ll really like a song and then finally pay attention to the lyrics and realize how dumb they are (“santa monica” by savage garden, back in the day – “where people have names like jake and mandy”??? REALLY?!). also i thought biggie was saying “i like it when you call me big pocketbook” instead of “poppa.” NO IDEA where that came from. but other than that, HILARIOUS. i can’t believe you taught “afternoon delight” to your kids! HAHAHA! didn’t you see the music video for it in the bonus features?? 😀

  3. Laura says:

    p.s. the thing about chasing pavements is false. adele said it was about a time she got into a fight with her ex-bf and she was running around outside at 6 am, aimlessly. gay thing is wrong – they updated it on urban dictionary, i checked 🙂

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