WARNING: I know poopoo stories are the lowest form of humor because it is so dirty and cheap. I promise my readers this…no more (after this one). This one is just too good and is at my expense. Wait for the ending because it is proof God has a sense of humor.
Last time I shared a poopoo head story. Today is my poopoo pants story. Buckle up because this is gonna be a weird ride…
In 2007 I started a church in downtown Los Angeles. In trying to start this church I spent a lot of meals eating with people sharing what I hoped to do here in this great city. One evening I went to meet a guy in Redondo Beach for some dungeness crab. After we eat, we say our goodbyes and my stomach starts grumbling. If you have ever been to Redondo Beach Pier, the bathrooms are disgusting. So I decide to wait.
By the time I get to the 110 North heading towards home my stomach is killing me. The pain is so bad I can’t even step on the accelerator. Thank God Fair Oaks is slightly sloped downhill. My home was less than two blocks away so I decide to suck it up for the final turn. As soon as I pull into the driveway and put the car in park….yes I pooped my pants. The first thing that comes out of my mouth is “OH MY GOD! I AM 32 YEARS OLD AND I POOPED MY PANTS!”
So I still gotta get out. I grab my jeans by the thigh area as tight as I can so there is no collateral damage. I walk up our basement steps to our kitchen door which is 100 lbs. Since I can’t let go of my pants to open the door, I bang my head on the door to get my wife to come.
She opens the door and immediately holds her nose saying, “What is that smell?”
I said, “I crapped in my pants.”
She does what any loving wife would do and starts laughing. So later that night we go to bed and I am in fetal position traumatized that I pooped in my pants.
My wife turns to me and says, “You wanna know something funny?”
I said, “What?! A grown man pooped his pants?!@#!@”
PAUSE…I know this is gross and somewhat ridiculous but wait the best part is coming up.
She says, “Today is the first time your son pooped in the toilet.”
New Pair of Jeans = $35
New Underwear = $11
Pooping in your pants as an adult on the same day your son poops in the toilet for the first time…priceless