The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Like Son Like Father

WARNING: I know poopoo stories are the lowest form of humor because it is so dirty and cheap.  I promise my readers this…no more (after this one).  This one is just too good and is at my expense.  Wait for the ending because it is proof God has a sense of humor.

Last time I shared a poopoo head story.  Today is my poopoo pants story.  Buckle up because this is gonna be a weird ride…

In 2007 I started a church in downtown Los Angeles.  In trying to start this church I spent a lot of meals eating with people sharing what I hoped to do here in this great city.  One evening I went to meet a guy in Redondo Beach for some dungeness crab.  After we eat, we say our goodbyes and my stomach starts grumbling.   If you have ever been to Redondo Beach Pier, the bathrooms are disgusting.  So I decide to wait.

By the time I get to the 110 North heading towards home my stomach is killing me.  The pain is so bad I can’t even step on the accelerator.  Thank God Fair Oaks is slightly sloped downhill.  My home was less than two blocks away so I decide to suck it up for the final turn.  As soon as I pull into the driveway and put the car in park….yes I pooped my pants. The first thing that comes out of my mouth is “OH MY GOD! I AM 32 YEARS OLD AND I POOPED MY PANTS!”

So I still gotta get out.  I grab my jeans by the thigh area as tight as I can so there is no collateral damage.  I walk up our basement steps to our kitchen door which is 100 lbs.  Since I can’t let go of my pants to open the door, I bang my head on the door to get my wife to come.

She opens the door and immediately holds her nose saying, “What is that smell?”

I said, “I crapped in my pants.”

She does what any loving wife would do and starts laughing.  So later that night we go to bed and I am in fetal position traumatized that I pooped in my pants.

My wife turns to me and says, “You wanna know something funny?”

I said, “What?! A grown man pooped his pants?!@#!@”

PAUSE…I know this is gross and somewhat ridiculous but wait the best part is coming up.

She says, “Today is the first time your son pooped in the toilet.”

New Pair of Jeans = $35

New Underwear = $11

Pooping in your pants as an adult on the same day your son poops in the toilet for the first time…priceless

Filed under: Funny Stuff

7 Responses

  1. Patricia Jamison says:

    Oh my goodness, Alex….this is double-over, oxygen-depriving laughter..!

    Thanks for the humility of sharing…..

  2. Erie Kim says:

    HAHAHAHA! i like this one🙂 it’s a bit disturbing, but the ending is great! haha

  3. Selly Yu says:

    I’m a nurse, it’s perfectly normal for a grown man to poop his pants (depending on the situation of course). My pathophysiology professor taught me that defecation is an involuntary contol. We learn it voluntarily through what your son practiced as, “toilet training”. During class, one of the students kept arguing that defecation could not be involuntary because people would be pooping their pants in public all the time. I wish I had your story to share that day 5 years ago. You are awesome Alex!

  4. joon says:

    Alex you crack me up. I would love to see u tell this story to oprah haha

  5. Laura says:

    dude alex…i read this in class and almost burst out laughing. SO FUNNY. also, don’t feel bad, one of my friends back in boston did diarrhea in his pants too, though at the time i think he was 29 years old.

    also, you have expensive underwear!! $11/pair, or $11 for a pack of 3?

    • thepunypundit says:

      you know i was thinking the same thing when I was typing. i don’t know how much my underwear costs but after typing $11 i thought maybe people will think i am a high roller or something. also…thanks for the sharing your friends poopoo story. it really does encourage me because whenever i start sharing this story thinking people will jump in and share their’s i just get silence.

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