The Puny Pundit

Musings of a big guy with small thoughts.

Survivor Series: The Exorcist

New series | Movie titles that remind me how my kids get out of trouble

The Exorcist is the technique of choice for #4.  God has blessed her with very strong lungs and we saw this at a very early age.  So what is The Exorcist?

One time we were at Costco (best place on earth) and #4 did something she was not supposed to do.  As I prepared to scold her she preemptively strikes with The Exorcist.  She screams at the top of her large lungs like she has been possessed by some demonic force, “NO MM!  NO MM! NO MM!”  She is screaming, kicking, and waving her arms around.

NOTE TO READER: MM is the abbreviation for the Korean word for spanking “mae mae” or aka: I’m Gonna Git You Suka.

Here is the funny thing.  She is trying to alert the public that something illegal is about to take place and that they need to save her.  What she doesn’t realize is that is why we say MM.  No one understands what she is saying.  So while it was embarrassing, this act produced sympathy for me in the public eye rather than condemnation for being a parent who uses MM as a disciplinary tool.  I love immigration and being bi-cultural.

Filed under: Survivor Series

Survivor Series: Sleeping Beauty

New series | Movie titles that remind me how my kids get out of trouble

Sleeping Beauty is when a child…let me just tell the story.  You’ll get what I mean.

Two years ago our family was driving somewhere.  During this trip #2 starts crying really loud.

I ask, “What happened?”

#2 is crying so hard she can’t talk so #1 answers, “#3 punched #2 in the face.”

I am really upset so I look in the rear view mirror to scold #3 but he is pretending to be sleeping. Unreal.  I have never gone from pure anger to vibration (trying to hold in laughter) so fast.  My wife and I are both looking out the window trying so hard not to laugh even though what took place was so bad.

If you ever come across the Sleeping Beauty technique, the most important thing is to not laugh.  That will be your greatest challenge in executing discipline for this type of survival skill.

Filed under: Survivor Series

Survivor Series: The Negotiator

New series | Movie titles that remind me how my kids get out of trouble

This technique can only be implemented by socially savvy kids.  #2 is that kid.  For some reason, God gave her a beautiful face and a whole lot of social game.  Ever since she was little, she knew how to work it.  I will never forget one time she got in a lot of trouble.  On the way home I said, “#2, you are gonna get spanked for each time you did that thing I told you not to do.  By my count, you are gonna get five and they are gonna hurt!” Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Survivor Series

Survivor: Kid Edition

I am a pretty strict dad that desires obedience and quiet.  No matter how serious I take my job as a father, there are so many occasions where my kids absolutely bust me up.  These moments seem to be more frequent when they are getting into trouble or more accurately trying to get out of trouble.  I can’t tell you how many times my wife and I start laughing or just leave the room while disciplining our kids.

Kids, like adults, by nature are committed to self preservation.  I started to think about how my kids try to get out of trouble.  As I thought about this, for some reason my mind started thinking about movie titles.  So for the next week I will be sharing a movie title that represents their various techniques for surviving.  I hope you enjoy this new series.  For us, these stories have lightened up rather serious moments.  Great reminder not to take yourself or your kids too seriously.

FYI: I will share the first one 12pm Today PST.

Filed under: Survivor Series

Mr. Mom Day 4

Yesterday was pretty much the same old story in the morning.  Where things got interesting was when #1-3 got home.  I helped them with homework once this past week.  All the other days I forgot to remind them to do their schoolwork.  So yesterday we did homework for three and half hours which is pretty long for little kids.  Correct.  Check Spelling.  Read Instructions.  Not my cup of tea.  But for three and half hours we conquered all their work.  Although I don’t enjoy helping the kids with this stuff I did find great satisfaction seeing how much they grew in their academic skills.  Reading, math, etc.  I really do wish I could bottle them up and have them never grow up. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom Day 3

For those of you reading for the first time…I am watching all five of my kids so my wife can take a break.  This is day three of daddy day care.

Below is a timeline of the events between 7am and 2am March 24…

7:00am…Wake up and get the kids ready for school.  Need to sack a lunch for #3 because he has a field trip.  Sign permission slip for #2’s field trip next week.  During that process I realized I lost my wallet.  I do that thing we do when we try to retrace our steps.  Figured the only place it can be is the bakery where I took the little ones to lunch yesterday.  So I call….they have it. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom Day 2

Wow…oww.  I am really tired.  Yesterday was a good day.  The kids were great and there weren’t too many glitches in the force.  Below is a timeline of the events between 7am and 2am March 23…

7:00am…Woke up and got the kids ready for school.  I made them breakfast (eggs and corned beef hash).  Because I haven’t done this in a really long time I messed up the rations and so #5 got less than one bite of corned beef hash.  It was kind of funny but at the time I didn’t care.  I had to get other stuff ready.  #1 being the responsible oldest child instructs each of the other kids to give #5 one spoonful each.  Man…even little kids know that capitalism is flawed. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom Day 1

So far so good.  Pretty tame.  Fed the kids dinner.  #4 says she doesn’t feel good so she puts her face in her bowl and throws up in her dinner.  Interesting choice.  After dinner the kids and I put away clothes that have been washed and folded.  I vacuumed upstairs and downstairs while the kids cleaned up their rooms.  Gave them all baths.  Used the wrong shampoo on #4 and #5 so their hair got all tangled up.  Tried to blow dry it and made it worse.  Had a meeting with some leaders from church and now just doing two loads of laundry at 11pm.

We spent some time as a family praying for mommy.  We prayed for three things: (i) Give her good rest, (ii) that she would have good times with God, (iii) and bring her home.  I am worried that her rest is gonna feel so good that she won’t ever come back.  Let’s hope the kids’ prayers work.

Next up tomorrow…ten loads of laundry, fold em, and put em away.  Some of you are probably confused.  “Didn’t he say he already put clothes away?”  Well things have been really busy so we got backed up.  My wife does eight loads of laundry a week and we have the large high capacity front load machines.  Kind of crazy when you think about it.  Even crazier trying to do it.  Wow!  We have a lot of laundry in this house.

Filed under: Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom | Introduction

Anyone who knows my wife knows what an amazing person she is.  She is the most selfless person I know.  This selflessness has been a tremendous blessing to me and my children.  There is only one problem with selfless people…sometimes they don’t know when to stop giving and giving.  Three weeks ago, I noticed that she needed a break.  My wife is an introvert and thinker.  She loves going for walks and reading books.  Unfortunately being a busy mother, these things have become luxuries instead of weekly or monthly routines. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Mr. Mom

Like Son Like Father

WARNING: I know poopoo stories are the lowest form of humor because it is so dirty and cheap.  I promise my readers this…no more (after this one).  This one is just too good and is at my expense.  Wait for the ending because it is proof God has a sense of humor.

Last time I shared a poopoo head story.  Today is my poopoo pants story.  Buckle up because this is gonna be a weird ride… Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Funny Stuff

Things I Learn From My Kids | Confidence

Growing up I was an insecure kid.  I am sure there are a lot of factors to explain why that was so.  Even in college I was incredibly unsure of myself.  Most people wouldn’t be able to tell because I was outgoing, told jokes, and tried really hard to be the center of attention…wait…now that I think about it…maybe it was obvious.

Below are two stories that taught me what it means to be confident.  Hope you enjoy.  It is the last of this series.

Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Uncategorized

Poopoo Head

In 2007 my wife gave birth to our fifth child.  Five kids in seven years.  I know…I suck.  My in laws still haven’t forgiven me.  Anyways, I digress.  While my wife was at home recovering I decided to give her a break and take the other fours kids by myself to 24 Hour Fitness.  I drop them off at the kids club and I go to work out.  Fifteen minutes later a young african american man taps me on the shoulder and says are you #4’s father?  I say yes.  He looks at me moving his mouth like he ate something nasty and is trying to get it off his tongue. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Funny Stuff

Things I Learn From My Kids – Selflessness

Kids are selfish.  They are.  From birth they only know me, myself, and I.  Any parent will tell you this. There are times however when your kids will surprise you. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Things I Learn From My Kids

Things I Learn From My Kids – Family Matters

I love my kids.  I really do love them.  But honestly, fatherhood was not and is not a natural thing for me.  I never liked kids growing up.  I am not a nurturer.  To top it off, I love work.  My wife tells me I am a good father but to be honest, I do not see it or feel it.  If my wife is right, then it is definitely a learned behavior/skill.  Today I will be sharing two stories that served as very powerful lessons that family matters.  Family is important.  Hope you enjoy. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Things I Learn From My Kids

Things I Learn From My Kids – Parents Matter

I have been working on a new series.  We parents are always teaching, instructing, correcting, disciplining, etc.  It is a lot of work.  For the last eight years I have been telling my kids to say thank you or to greet adults when being addressed…for eight years I have to remind them everyday…EVERYday. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Things I Learn From My Kids

Hardest Day of Her Life | Moving Back to Cali

In my last blog I shared what was the hardest day of my life as a dad.  It is easier for me (than my wife) to pick one because she has too many stories to pick from.  So I have chosen one on her behalf.

In 2006, my family and I moved from Philadelphia to Los Angeles to start a church in downtown. Moving in any context is tough.  Whether you are single, married, married with kids…it is all brutal. Well we moved four kids cross-country.  How did we do it?  Well we had no money so we had to be strategic. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: It's a Tough Life

Hardest Day of My Life

While living in Philadelphia we had our fourth child in five years.  My wife was recovering from delivery and I had to take the older three kids  (ages 4, 3, & 2) to Sesame Place.  It’s basically Raging Waters for little kids.  As a busy pastor this was the first time I took out all three kids, just me.  I was told by my wife that it was a school trip and that I was merely one of twenty chaperons.  Turns out to be a lie.  I am alone with three kids under the age of five. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: It's a Tough Life

How to Lose A Guy for 25 Years

Any man who has daughters dreads the day when words like boys, dating, prom, love, etc. enter the vernacular of those precious little girls.  I am such a man.  I have been blessed with five children, four of whom are girls.  Like any father I have thought about ways I would keep boys away from my daughters.  There is of course the cliché that I will go out and buy a shotgun.  I have also thought about reminding boys that I work for God and that he is watching them and that he speaks audibly to me in my dreams.  However, something I have learned from being a parent and pastor is that fear is not a good long-term strategy. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Uncategorized

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